Varieties

First: thank you, sponsors: Detours, Showers Pass, Hub and Bespoke, Jandd Mountaineering, Sock Guy, Georgia in Dublin,  Cleverhood, Detroit Cargo,  Portland Cyclewear, Haulin’ Colin Trailers, 2020 Cycle, Bern Helmets, Swrve Cycling, Vapolution Vaporizers, SKS Germany,Walz Caps,   BaileyWorks, Peddler Brewing,  Bombus Bikes, and the incomparable T Leatherworks,

I am in no way worthy of your munificence, but I will take it happily, with open arms.

I can’t believe you gave a perfect or even a relative stranger a little bit of your heart for no real reason whatsoever besides pure generosity of spirit.

Second: thank you, helpers.  Who could possibly deserve your good graces?

I am absolutely flabbergasted.  My head is too small to remember all the things I need to thank you for.

Third: thank you, racers.  Nobody died and everyone got prizes.  Keep that in mind the next time you forget to do so.

The weather held up, more or less, just enough to make the bomb down Graham that much more cheek-puckeringly thrilling and I’m especially gratified that no one slid under the wheels of the light rail train crossing Rainier.

Torry K. lit up the course with a winning time more than an hour and a half faster than the eventual DFL, Karadactyl, who managed to meander even more slowly than last year’s first last, Wang, as well as hometown favorite, Lee Williams, whose attempt to circumvent the published route earned the predictable wrath of the bicycle gods, who treated him to a well-deserved puncture for his troubles.

Margaret took First Lady and garnered the coveted Cleverhood cape for her efforts; Garth smoked Dada by two whole seconds to claim the Vapolution, albeit with the understanding that sharing is caring when it comes to vaporized herb.  And Brother Botorff, whose generous prize donation of two hours labor and a bag of clams went to Greg S. Barnes, somehow earned bragging rights over Shahan by a grand total of ten seconds.

I, of course, was the biggest winner of all, getting to vicariously enjoy the pain and suffering of fifty-two intrepid souls pedaling up one more superfluous hill.  Fortunately, thanks to our friends at Peddler Brewing, there was plenty of delicious free beer at the finish so instead of being cursed, I got toasted; hooray and happy fucking birthday to me!

327 Words 57 Varieties Time Trial

In celebration of bikes, beer, numerous options, hometown favorites, past successes, future possibilities, and another opportunity for two-wheeled mayhem, 327 Words presents the 57 Varieties Time Trial, an alleycat-style bike race around a variety of spots in Seattle with checkpoints and performance detraction options at time-honored destinations and way-stations beginning at 2020 Cycle 21st and Union in Seattle, WA on Saturday, April 5, 2014 at 3:27 sharp, signups commencing around 2:30 or so.

Participants will have the opportunity to travel down memory lane and forge new opportunities for forgetfulness as they explore familiar pathways and unfamiliar patterns for much of the afternoon.

Drawing upon the experience of the last seven years of birthday races, race organizers have spared pretty much every expense in creating a route that ought to be as marvelous as it is awful, which is to say that even if you've done it all before, it's always new at the time it's taking place.  Or so, our old friend, Hericlitus would say.

All this and more, all on two wheels, rain or shine, no crying or fatal crashes allowed.  Ten dollar suggested donation, free shot glasses (for Jagermeister, with 56 herbs and spices, plus one more herb for luck) for the first 57 riders.

Racers, competing in a group time-trial format, will spin around town, eat, drink, and be merry, and eventually figure out what’s next.

Prizes—cash and bike schwag—will be awarded for fastest times, men’s and ladies’ divisions, as well as runner-up positions, including, of course, DFL.

Prize sponsors and friends currently on tap or being recruited include: Detours, Showers Pass, Hub and Bespoke, Jandd Mountaineering, Sock Guy, Georgia in Dublin,  Cleverhood, Detroit Cargo,  Oregon Cyclewear, Brooks Saddles,  Haulin’ Colin Trailers, 2020 Cycle, Bern Helmets, Swrve Cycling, Vapolution Vaporizers, SKS Germany,Walz Caps,   BaileyWorks, Peddlar Brewery,  Bombus Bikes, T Leatherworks, Alchemy Goods, with more to come! Don’t pass up your chance to ride through traffic, have a variety of adventures and misadventures, and always remember: Safety Third!

Friends, relations, and those too lazy to ride, but not to drink are invited to show up at the Madrona Alehouse after about 6:00 for more varieties of nonsense and shenanigans, as well as prizes!